Love-o-logy

"It is better to have loft and lost than to never have loft at all." — Groucho Marx

Somewhere I read this:

Q: What motivates people to seek out love?
A: Our primary motivation as human beings is to expand the self and to increase our abilities and our effectiveness. One of the ways we accomplish this is through our relationships with other people.

Going by this logic there is high probability of a person falling in love when he/she experience a high urge for self expansion. We feel this when we find someone attractive but also when some finds us attractive.
This probability further increase in the following situation:
1. When the two are working together in high demanding project.
2. When there are common interest or when interest compliment each other
3. An outside force (a friend giving love fundas) increases the urge to self expand.
4. Unknown / Unexplained or divine intervention. Most of the time it is purely circumstantial. It also depends a lot on our physical and mental state at that time. A momentary thought generated in the mind kick start an impulse of feeling which goes on increasing due to some unexplained cascading effect.

Phases of love
There are two phases in love:
1. Transition phase
i. Transition Up
ii. Transition Down
2. Constant Phase

During the transition phase (up and down) a lover is under the effect of high CHEMICAL LOCHA going in his/her body which result in excessive enthusiasm (in case of UP) or utter disappointment (in case DOWN).

Transition Phase
A very-2 common but strange thing happens in this phase. Because all of us have logical mind, so it can’t sit idle and watch something happening. But the feelings are so strong that it looses some control over the body. So in order not to accept its defeat it starts asking question that are not relevant. Like, (the most imp one) Why do I love her? (Let’s suppose everything is happening in boys mind)
And the answer comes (Note: the boy's mind, the lover's brain, give precise reasons to support his answer)
Answer: I love her because:
1. She is beautiful
2. She can compliment me in all respect.
3. She is very caring.
and bla bla…

Does that mean when,
1. She becomes old and ugly
2. If the boy discover afterwards that she is not able to compliment in some important respect.
3. If she gets paralyzed.
and bla bla…

any of the above case occurs then boy will stops loving the girl.
NOooooooooooo WAYyyyyyy

This proves that all the people loves there loved ones without any reason. Although they admire the characteristic of their loved ones but this by no means is the reason for their love.

In fact, trying to figure out the reason for love is foolish. Love is something related to heart and reason or logic is something related to Brain. Heart does not understand the language of logic or reason.

The reality
Because we feel passionate attraction and desire for a person we start liking and admiring every single thing about that person. During this period we ready to compromise and change almost any thing that was comes in our way. The feeling of love is so strong that it overrides (in most of the cases) or align all other desires of our life.

This could be positive or negative. I have seen many boys giving more respect to a girl after falling in love than they used to do when they were single. This does not mean that only COMMITED boys respect girls.

The Constant Phase
This is the best part of if the passion and desire still remains at the level of transition.
But this is the most difficult relationship to maintain because one need to keep aside his ego and still need to indulge in ADULT – ADULT conversation (This one of the Nine type of Transactional conversation).

Why is this most difficult relation to maintain?
It is relatively easy to bring up a child or to take care of our parents because in such case we are involved in PARENT – CHILD relationship. And by our human nature we are more than ready to compromise/give up our ego in such relationship.
We share ADULT –ADULT relation with our friends but it is relatively less demanding, so possibility of ego clash is very less.

The Second Love
SRK gave this funda in one of his movie “Hum ek bar jeete hain, ek bar marte hain, aur pyar bhi ek hi bar karte hain”

Hmmm Sounds Good… but I don’t believe.
A person falls in love for the first time under set of favorable events. It is very difficult to define all the set of favorable events under which a person develops love because they are very circumstantial. (Note: Circumstantial condition also includes state of the person). But we can’t precisely define the moment when a person will develop that kind of feelings. One of the main reasons for this inability is the fact that there is more than one set of events under which a person can develop that feeling and more than one person to which he/she can develop that feeling.

So if the set of event happened in his life once then saying that they will not happen again is wrong. But the probability is low due to presence of first love. (Note: first love does not mean the first lover; it means the feelings of first love)

We can always say that there always have a set of events which are so powerful that it can replace the present feelings. Or at least develop the new feelings in presence of old feelings.

And such events occur. A divorce man or dumped women do fall in love. Committed people also do fall in love. Call it infidelity or extra marital affair.

NOTE: We can by no means conclude that a person falling in love for the second time is bad character or dishonest. This is because the whole process is so vague that we can’t conclude any thing out of this. What we can learn is that:

1. People fall in love without any reason.
2. Maintaining Love is the most difficult part.
3. People do fall in pure love for second time in their life.